Carpe Diem

As I sit in my near empty dorm room by myself, I am lead to a state of reflection and I just need to write about it. I have lived in this building for the past two years and I am just now realizing how different I am leaving through these doors than when I walked in. I’m no trying to be melodramatic, but a lot of growing up has happened these past two years in this dorm. Leaving on Friday is not necessarily going to be sad, and not necessarily going to be happy, just weird. Bel Air has been my home for the past two years and the people within its walls my family. The walls have absorbed my laughter and the floor soaked in my tears. And it’s not just the building, it’s the people within that give it its character. If I hadn’t lived in Bel Air, I would not have met and become close with some of the most amazing people. Through all my experiences and changes over the past two years, Bel Air has always been there and it will always serves as a reminder of my experiences these past two years,whether they be good, bad, or straight-up weird.

life’s a funny thing. you make a stride in some way and then life pulls you back. it tests you. pushes you to the limit. for me, this happened today in the form of getting dumped. finally, after a few months, i let down my walls. i turned off the electric fence and blew up the brick. not fully, but a good part of the way. i thought it would be accepted. i didn’t think i needed a defense anymore. i let myself start to really feel for this person and let go of  inhibitions, hesitations and whatnot to see what it would grow into. I thought i would be safe. Well, i just found out very shortly that this was not the case. I got shot and feel like i am expected to pull the bullet out right away. Well, it’s not coming out just yet, it’ll be stuck in there for a little bit. And the wound will heal and things will get better (i keep trying to tell myself things happen for a reason). But once the wound has healed, i’ve decided i’m not going to build back up with brick and barbed wire, holding in the emotions that may be overwhelmingly released in one fell swoop. I’m going to build myself a wooden fence that i can wasily open when necessary but still keep out the annyoing neighborhood boy who is just going to leave a bag of flaming poop on my doorstep. Yes, i am an upset crying mess right now. Yes, i will be like this for a little bit. And yes, i am probably being a little melodramatic, but a relationship is a relationship and when you are getting broken up with most the times it just sucks for you. But the recovery is only going to make me stronger. and in the words ofGloria Gaynor, I will survive.